1. Your body language
2. Your way of presentation
3. Knowledge factor

1.Your Body Language

 

 

Good communication is thefoundation of successful relationships, both personally and professionally. But we communicate with much morethanwords. In fact, research shows that the majority of the messages we send are nonverbal. Nonverbal communication,or body language, includes our facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, posture, and even the tone of our voice.

 

The ability to understand and use nonverbal communication is a powerful  tool that will help you connect with others, express what you really mean, navigate challenging situations, and build better relationships at home and work.

 

 

What is nonverbal communication and body language

 

Nonverbal communication, or body language, is a vital form of communication—a natural, unconscious language thatbroadcasts our true feelings and intentions in any given moment, and clues us in to the feelings and intentions of those around us.

 

When we interact with others, we continuously give and receive wordless signals. All of our nonverbal behaviors—the gestures we make, the way we sit, how fast or how loud we talk, how close we stand, how much eye contact we make—send strong messages. These messages don’t stop when you stop speaking either. Even when you’re silent, you’re still communicating nonverbally.

 

Oftentimes, what we say and what we communicate through body language are two totally different things. When faced with these mixed signals, the listener has to choose whether to believe your verbal or nonverbal message, and, in most cases, they’re going to choose nonverbal.

 

 

Why nonverbal communication matters

 

The way you listen, look, move, and react tells the other person whether or not you care,if you’rebeing truthful, and how well you’re listening. When your nonverbal signals match up with the words you’re saying, they increase trust, clarity, and rapport. When they don’t, they generate tension, mistrust, and confusion

 

If you want to communicate better in all areas of your life, it’s important to become more sensitive to body language and other nonverbal cues, so you can be more in tune with the thoughts and feelings of others. You also need to be aware of the signals you’re sending off, so you can be sure that the messages you’re sending are what you really want to communicate.

 

If you want to communicate better in all areas of your life, it’s important to become more sensitive to body language and other nonverbal cues, so you can be more in tune with the thoughts and feelings of others. You also need to be aware of the signals you’re sending off, so you can be sure that the messages you’re sending are what you really want to communicate.

 

 

Nonverbal communication cues can play five roles:

• Repetition: they can repeat the message the person is making verbally
• Contradiction: they can contradict a message the individual is trying to convey
• Substitution: they can substitute for a verbal message. For example, a person's eyes can often convey a far more vivid message than words and often do
• Complementing: they may add to or complement a verbal message. A boss who pats a person on the back in addition to giving praise can increase the impact of the message
• Accenting: they may accent or underline a verbal message. Pounding the table, for example, can underline a message.

Types of nonverbal communication and body language

There are many different types of nonverbal communication. Together, the following nonverbal signals and cues communicate your interest and investment in others.

 

Facial expression

The humanfaceis extremelyexpressive, able to express countless emotions without sayingaword. And unlike some forms of nonverbal communication, facial expressions are universal. The facial expressions for happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, fear, and disgust are the same across cultures.

 

Body movements and posture

Consider how your perceptions of people are affected by the way they sit, walk, stand up, or hold their head. The way you move and carry yourself communicates a wealth of information to the world. This type of nonverbalcommunication includes your posture, bearing, stance, and subtle movements.

 

Gestures

Gestures are woven into the fabric of our daily lives. We wave, point, beckon, and use our hands when we’re arguing or speaking animatedly—expressing ourselves with gestures often without thinking. However, the meaning of gestures can be very different across cultures and regions, so it’s important to be careful to avoid misinterpretation.

 

Eye contact

Since the visual sense is dominant for most people, eye contactisanespeciallyimportant typeof nonverbal communication. The way you look at someone can communicate manythings,including interest, affection, hostility, or attraction. Eye contact is also important in maintaining theflowofconversation and for gauging the other person’s response.

 

Touch

We communicate a great deal through touch. Think about the messages given by the following: a firm handshake, a timid tap on the shoulder, a warm bear hug, a reassuring pat on the back, a patronizing pat on the head, or a controlling grip on your arm.

 

Space

Have you ever felt uncomfortable during a conversation because the other person was standing too close and invading your space? We all have a need for physical space, although that need differs depending on the culture, the situation, and the closeness of the relationship. You can use physicalspace to communicate many different nonverbal messages, including signals of intimacy, aggression, dominance, or affection.

 

Voice

It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it. When we speak, other people “read” our voices in addition to listening to our words. Things they pay attention to include your timing and pace, how loud you speak, your tone and inflection, and sounds that convey understanding, such as “ahh” and “uh-huh.” Think about how tone of voice, for example, can indicate sarcasm, anger, affection, or confidence.

 

 

Nonverbal communication can’t be faked
You may be familiar with advice on how to sit a certain way, steeple your fingers, or shake hands just so in order to appear confident or assert dominance. But the truth is that such tricks aren’t likely to work (unless you truly feel confident and in charge). That’s because you can’t control all of the signals you’re constantly sending off about what you’re really thinking and feeling. And the harder you try, the more unnatural your signals are likely to come across

 

How nonverbal communication can go wrong

 

 

It takes more than words to create satisfying, strong relationships. Nonverbal communication has a huge impact on the quality of your personal and professional relationships. What you communicate through your body language and nonverbal signals affects how others see you, how well they like and respect you, and whether or not they trust you.

 

Unfortunately, many people send confusing or negative nonverbal signals without even knowing it. When this happens, both connection and trust are damaged.

 

Setting the stage for effective nonverbal communication

 

 

Nonverbal communication is a rapidly flowing back-and-forth process. Successful nonverbal communication depends on your ability to manage stress, recognize your own emotions, and understand the signals you’re sending and receiving. This requires your full concentration and attention. If you are planning what you’re going to say next, daydreaming, or thinking about something else, you are almost certain to miss nonverbal cues and other subtleties in the conversation. You need to stay focused on the moment-to-moment experience in order to fully understand what’s going on.

 

To improve nonverbal communication, learn to manage stress

Learning how to manage stress in the heat of the moment is one of the most important things you can do to improve your nonverbal communication. Stress compromises your ability to communicate. When you’re stressed out, you’re more likely to misread other people, send off confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior. Furthermore, emotions are contagious. Your upset is very likely to trigger upset in others, making a bad situation worse.

 

How emotional awareness strengthens nonverbal communication

In order to send accurate nonverbal cues, you need to be aware of your emotions and how they influence you. You also need to be able to recognize the emotions of others and the true feelings behind the cues they are sending. This is where emotional awareness comes in.

 

Emotional awareness enables you to:

• Accurately read other people, including the emotions they’re feeling and the unspoken messages they’re sending.
• Create trust in relationships by sending nonverbal signals that match up with your words.
• Respond in ways that show others that you understand, notice, and care.
• Know if the relationship is meeting your emotional needs, giving you the option to either repair the relationship or move on.

 

Tips for reading body language and nonverbal communication

 

 

Once you’ve developed your abilities to manage stress and recognize emotions, you’ll naturally become better at reading the nonverbal signals sent by others.

 

• Pay attention to inconsistencies. Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said. Is the person is saying one thing, and their body language something else? For example, are they telling you “yes” while shaking their head no?
• Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Don’t read too much into a single gesture or nonverbal cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you are receiving, from eye contact to tone of voice and body language. Taken together, are their nonverbal cues consistent—or inconsistent—with what their words are saying?
• Trust your instincts. Don’t dismiss your gut feelings. If you get the sense that someone isn’t being honest or that something isn’t adding up, you may be picking up on a mismatch between verbal and nonverbal cues.

 

As you continue to pay attention to the nonverbal cues and signals you send and receive, your ability to communicate will improve.

Evaluating nonverbal signals
Eye contact	Is eye contact being made? If so, is it overly intense or just right?
Facial Expression	What is their face  showing? Is it masklike and unexpressive, or emotionally present and filled with interest?
Tone of Voice	Does their voice project warmth, confidence, and interest, or is it strained and blocked?
Posture and gesture	Are their bodies relaxed or stiff and immobile? Are shoulders tense and raised, or slightly sloped?
Touch	Is there any physical contact? Is it appropriate to the situation? Does it make you feel uncomfortable?
Intensity	Do they seem flat, cool, and disinterested, or over-the-top and melodramatic?
Timing and Pace	Is there an easy flow of information back and forth? Do nonverbal responses come too quickly or too slowly?
Sound	Do you hear sounds that indicate caring or concern?

 

 

1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.

2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.

3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.

5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.

6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.

7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.

8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.

9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.

10. Keep your head up – Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap your neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.

12. Don’t fidget –  and try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.

13. Use your hands more confidently –

 instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicatewhat you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add

14. Realise where you spine ends –

many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.

15. Don’t stand too close –

one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.

16. Mirror –

Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue. 

17. Keep a good attitude –

last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel.

You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.
Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.

 

The way of presentation

 

 

It’s a truism – how you say something often trumps what you say.

Research shows that 93% of communication is based on two factors: Body language (55%) and tone of voice (38%). The rest is about your words (7%).

What’s more, your personal presence speaks volumes about who you are. Without saying a word, non-verbal communication can inspire confidence – or send signals of uncertainty and doubt.